you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
