R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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