Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
