So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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