The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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