I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
