you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
