You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's rum buckets o'clock
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
