hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
