The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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