you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
