Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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