he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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