i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Found your dick twin last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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