Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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