i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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