If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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