I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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