You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
