can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
