For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
