new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
