I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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