he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
