took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
