I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
