you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
