I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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