She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
