Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
