i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
