It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
