just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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