I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
