I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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