im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
