he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
