He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
