There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
