I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
