i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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