you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
