Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
