More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
