Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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