I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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