I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
