i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
