Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
