at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
