lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
