Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
