She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
